Daily Archive

In Feedback from Other People–Part I, the discussion was largely on how to take negative feedback from other people.  In this post, I will talk about how to take positive feedback.

Now, it’s good to be humble.  It really is.  But don’t confuse being humble with an inability to accept positive feedback.  Some people already have a fixed idea about themselves, “I’m defective.”  “I’m a failure.”  “I’m worthless.”  “I never do anything right.”  “People who give compliments want something from me.”  And so forth. 

Some people when you compliment them will respond with something like, “Eh…  I was just lucky.”  Some will just mutter and look at the floor.  Some will become embarrassed.  Some will respond with sarcasm, “So, what do you want?”  The appropriate response is, “Thank you.  I’m glad you liked it.”  “Thank you.  I’m happy I’d could help.”  “Thanks, I appreciate that you noticed.”  And so forth. 

Now, the interesting thing is, when you start responding appropriately to compliments, you start to believe the compliments.  Outright rejection of compliments, is a way of maintaining a certain view of yourself.  It may be very negative.  It may also be a way of maintaining a very negative view of other people, “People who give compliments want something.”  Most often, people are just expressing that they have recognized your abilities.  They don’t want anything, and they aren’t “just trying to make you feel good.”  So, you’ll be safe with giving one of the appropriate responses.

Now, when people have a very deeply ingrained way of looking at themselves, they automatically reject any positive information about themselves, and accept anything that is negative.  This is a distortion, or filter on the way that they think.  By beginning to accept positive feedback, you can start the work of changing how you think about yourself.