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There is but only one game worth playing with other people, and that is “when I’m gone, they’ll be glad they knew me and they’ll miss me.” (1) If you can live your life in such a way that people think this when you move on to a different job, or move to a different location, or ultimately, ‘kick the bucket,’ then you’ve done a reaonsable job as a human being. Not that you are a ’good person,’ because that is not possible from a Christian perspective. (2)
Now, as far as work goes, it’s not really all that difficult to make a good impression. Just show up every day, and do what is asked of you. You do this, and you are way ahead of the average folk. Most employers are continually frustrated with employees. It’s not hard to be above average.
And, at work, you want to go beyond the basic level of what is expected of you. You do this, and you are well beyond the level of the average employee. If you can learn to work hard, you have surpassed a vast majority of the population. This country was originally founded on hard work. But it is somewhat rare, nowadays.
So, work as hard as you can. It may not be that hard compared to the average individual, and don’t feel guilty about how hard you work. Just do your best to work hard. And really think about others in your field. Think about how hard they work, and realistically compare yourself to them.
You also don’t want to get into a pattern where you are overly perfectionistic. You don’t want to be so anxious and perfectionistic about your work. Think about how the average person performs in your field, and compare yourself to them. Think of an actual person.
So, you want to strike a balance between working hard, and the average level of work that people do. It really won’t be that hard to exceed the average. Just think about others who are in the same field as you are. Don’t beat up on yourself if you are not beyond the average, just look at it as something that you want to work toward.
I’ve posted on the excellent book, Do Hard Things before. Today, a teen inspired me to write more on this issue.
I remember it distinctly. I’m sitting in the principal’s office, this time in the principal’s chair fixing his computer. I’m 16… Trigonometry class is going on down at the high school where I’m supposed to be. But, the grade school principal called because his computer wasn’t working. I was called down to the high school office, which happened fairly often for this reason, to go down to the elementary school to fix a computer problem. My teachers didn’t care…I was getting all A’s and at the top of my class.
The elementary school principal starts laughing as I’m sitting in his chair. I say to him, “What?” He says, “Oh, I just remember when we were sitting in opposite chairs. I always thought you wouldn’t amount to sh*t. Now look at us…You’re sitting in my chair, and I’m sitting where you used to sit.” He laughs heartily again. I laughed and made some dumb flippant comment about how things change. You see, he was right. I remember sitting where he was sitting a lot as a child. He had told me, “I wanted to nail your as*, but I never could catch you.” He felt this way for all of the bad things I had done, but he had trouble catching me. I really did deserve to be punished a great deal more than I was. Somehow, in my teen years, I managed to gain some maturity and turned my life around. People forgave me, and respected me. I appreciated that. I think I have my father to thank in part, who worked harder than anyone I have ever known. Was he perfect? No. Was I? No.
Is it hard to raise a child as a teen….you betcha. Do I believe teens are capable of doing hard things? Without a single doubt. Go ahead and grow up when you’re a teenager. You won’t regret it. Be willing to work hard. Who cares if adults don’t think you are capable of achieving hard things? I didn’t. I turned my rebellion into independence and hard work. If you’re a teen, I encourage you to do the same.
Look at the ability to reason and be mature that this teen shows with respect to abortion.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
I was excited to find the book Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris, two 18-year-old twins who encouraged teens to break from the low expectations of teenagers. Their approach, in some ways, echoes my own way of thinking. I started my first business at the age of 17, second at the age of 18, and third at the age of 21. I worked 40-60 hours a week in my own business while taking 19 hours of college courses, and then went to graduate school. I teach the teens I work with the importance of fully applying themselves, to break free of the expectations of others, and to challenge their internal limitations. The biggest limitations that people have, come from the inside. It’s in the form of thoughts, “I can’t do it. I’m stupid. I’d probably just fail anyway. I’m a kid, I’m just supposed to have fun.” The list is virtually endless and the causes are varied. As I teach people, God did not just roll the dice one day in order to determine the strengths and abilities that a person has. You were given these things for a reason. A lot of times, people don’t even know how much they are capable of doing. I have not met a single person who truly knows how much they could accomplish. I am even talking about people who have already accomplished a great deal. One of the ways you learn about your strengths and limitations is by applying yourself with intensity and putting a great deal of effort into things. You cannot learn this otherwise. By doing so, you risk failure. Failure is an important part of life, and provides an opportunity to learn something new. When you fail, it is time to reflect on what you might have been able to do better, and how to approach it differently next time. It is not a time for “beating up” on yourself. Use your failures constructively, and by all means risk failing.
Milton Erickson, who was the world’s foremost expert on hypnosis, told a story about failure. (I might get a few of the details wrong, but they are not important to the message). He told about two classmates. One was bragging about missing only one item on a spelling test. The other was bragging about missing only 2 items. Erickson had missed 8 items. He told his classmates, “I have the advantage because I will remember the 8 I missed forever, whereas you will remember only 1 and you will remember only 2.” He used this teaching story to explain how failure strengthens memory and can be an advantage in life.
Milton Erickson also, did hard things. He suffered from polio, which he barely managed to survive. After recovering enough movement to crawl, he purchased a canoe. He paddled this canoe 1200 miles down the Mississippi river. At times he crawled over sandbars, dragging the cannoe behind him. By the end of the journey, he was able to walk with the use of a cane. He got to this point from the point of only being able to move his eyes. Most of us have never had to do something so incredibly difficult. So, we don’t even know what the limits are to what we can do. I think there have been times when I have gotten close to my limits, but never fully reached them. When I think about Erickson’s story, I don’t think I was as close as I thought I was.
When I was a junior in undergraduate school I was thinking ahead in time. I realized that I had a tremendous amount to learn about the conscious and unconscious minds in order to be able to help people in an truly effective way. I realized that I had 7 more years of school and intership ahead of me. I had heard that graduate school can be an absolute nightmare. I became utterly despondent. It was before my first class of the semester. I said to God, “Lord, I don’t think I can do this. It’s too much for me. It’s like I’m sitting down at the bottom of Mount Everest and looking up, and I think it’s impossible for me.” I was thinking about abandoning the whole thing and going back to what I knew I could do. I had been successfully running my own computer and Internet business for several years. I had no doubt I could be extremely successful at that and make a lot of money. Yet, I felt God was pointing me toward being a psychologist….using my intelligence to help people overcome their emotional difficulties instead of troubleshooting problems with machines.
So, I went to my first class of the semester. I remember it distinctly. Psychology of Old Age. As they always do on the first day of class, the professor was discussing classroom policies, procedures, and whatnot. This was about 20 minutes after my anguished prayer. The professor says, “Now my office is all the way up on the 4th floor. You can come in to talk to me at any time. Now, don’t take the stairs, and come into my office all huffing and puffing and telling me stories about climbing Mount Everest. That’s why God made elevators.” At that point in time, I felt chills throughout my body and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. I said to God, “Message received.” God would provide an elevator for me where needed. And indeed, He did. At those times when I thought things were beyond me, I got the help I needed.
Thus, the quote at the beginning of the post, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” You might doubt the power and strength of yourself, but God’s power and strength is beyond your comprehension. Now, I know I’m not sounding much like a traditional Shrink here. The research shows that only 33% of psychologists believe in God. But, such is life. I can tell you unequivocally, that the best treatment outcomes I have had are with those who believe in, and rely upon, God. I have seen people overcome things that the textbooks say are BIOLOGICAL, unammenable to treatment with psychotherapy, and the best you can hope for is a slightly better management of symptoms. I have seen people overcome personality disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, and varieties of anxiety. Like I say, the most impressive results have been with believers. I’m not saying that you have to be a believer to overcome your difficulties, because I have seen non-believers make incredible progress as well. But the most impressive results have been with believers, who through faith, were willing to Do Hard Things.
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